My years of counseling and ministering to
married couples, mostly in distress, I have learned some principles that
run fairly consistent within each marriage. Couples really are not that
different from each other.
There are common needs most men and women bring to a marriage in order
to make the marriage the best it can be. We may use different terms, but
the needs remain relatively similar from marriage to marriage. While
this is based on my observations they seem to resonate with many
couples.
I’ve also learned that understanding the needs is the first step in
addressing them. We only know what we know. Here’s to a better
understanding of each other’s needs. Be sure to read the husband’s
greatest list
Here are 7 of the greatest needs of a wife:
Love – Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives,
just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.” How did
Christ love the church? 1 John 3:16 “This is how we know what love is:
Jesus Christ laid down his life for us.”
Men, do you love your wife above everything else in your life (apart
from your Christ relationship) including your work, your hobbies, your
friends, family, and even the children? And, more importantly, do your
actions prove your words?
Attention – Wives want to be listened to (even when
the television is on) and know that we believe what they have to say is
important. Our wives would prefer to talk with us over other women, even
though another woman might better understand.
Men, are you truly listening to what your wife is saying? Again, do your actions prove this?
Protection – Wives want their husbands to be the
defender of the family; not just against the strange sounds in the
night, but against all the threats in society. They want us to take the
ownership in leading our family spiritually and in teaching our kids how
to defend themselves and stay strong in an evil world.
Men, are you working to protect your family — from all threats?
Security/Commitment – The wife wants to know you are
going to be there forever. Wives often see their visually stimulated
husbands looking at other women. Does she know you won’t cheat on her?
Are you going to be faithful always?
Men, can she trust you? Do your actions build that confidence?
Appreciation/Value – Wives want to be valued for who
they are as much as for what they do. Wives want to know we see them
with value beyond just what she does to keep the household running. Is
she more important than the stuff she does? Is she still beautiful?
Men, do you regular tell her what you admire about her? Do you genuinely compliment her — not just what she does?
Compassion – The Bible refers to women as the
“weaker vessels”. Of course this doesn’t mean they are less than men,
but that men and women are different. Women are going to respond
differently to situations. They may cry easier, take longer to resolve
things emotionally, feel tired quicker. Also, wives want a little
romance in the marriage. (For most of us, if we’ve been married over a
week they already know that’s not going to happen with you.) We can all,
however, be kind, loving, and occasionally romantic. We usually get
good credit here just for honestly trying.
Men, do you understand that your wife is not wired like you? Are you
patient with her, allowing her to process things differently than you?
Are you still attempting to be romantic at times — pursuing your wife —
like you did before you were married?
Partnership – Wives don’t want to do life alone.
They want their husband’s participation in raising the kids, making
decisions around the house and yes, sometimes even picking out paint
colors. They want someone to do life with them, not live two separate
lives in the same household.
Men, would your wife say you are truly her partner? Are the two of you becoming one more everyday?
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